A Name and a Blessing

We blessed Peyton last Sunday, October 13th. She looked so beautiful in her blessing dress. 

I love the history behind that dress. A lot of people know that my two sisters and I all wore the same wedding dress. But what is even cooler than that is all three of us girls wore the same blessing dress, the same baptism dress, and the same wedding dress. My mom has kept all three of those dresses in hopes that they would one day be used again. So far we have only handed down the blessing dress since the oldest grandkid is only 4 years old. Besides us three girls, Allie (my niece) and my two girls, Claire and Peyton, have all worn that blessing dress. It's been worn 6 times and we hope to add even more to that count. Even though it's starting to fade from white to cream and there are a few snags here and there in the fabric, it's still so beautiful to me. 

Peyton was blessed by her father. It was a beautiful blessing and it brought me so much joy to hear my husband's voice fill with emotion as he held her tiny form in his arms and gave her a name and a blessing. As with Claire's blessing, I felt a sudden thrill when he pronounced her name. It's amazing to me that something as simple as a name can be so important. 

We felt so blessed to have our family there to show their love and help us celebrate the birth of our little Peyton. I felt that her blessing was a welcome distraction for the whole family from the troubles my mother has been suffering through. We as a family, have been through a lot this year, but my poor mother has suffered the most. Having her there was so important to me and thankfully she was feeling well enough to attend. After the blessing, I let her hold Peyton for the rest of Sacrament meeting. She seemed so happy and content, holding her newest grand baby. For a few minutes, she seemed almost back to her normal, healthy self. There have been many times that I have questioned why it was so important for us to have a second child so soon. It's little moments like this that I find my answer. Peyton brings such a sweet and comforting spirit into our home and family. I feel that she was meant to come to bring our family a little peace and happiness.

Nothing quite like Sister Love!
Claire loves her sister...sometimes a little too much! :)

Such a little angel! We love you Peyton Elizabeth! I thank my Heavenly Father everyday for blessing me with you.

4 Years

We celebrated 4 years of marriage on the 10th of October!

It's been a crazy couple of years. In four years we have graduated with one degree (me) and are still plowing through another (him). We have moved three times and between the two of us, have been through 5 jobs. We have been blessed with two beautiful baby girls and have helped them learn and grow. We have helped my mom as she battles breast cancer. We have taken our children to the ER on more than one occasion and have even called Poison Control once or twice. We have definitely had our ups and downs.

 It's been one heck of a roller coaster ride! But I wouldn't have it any other way. I've got my best friend and eternal companion laughing in the seat right next to me and that's all I need.

We knew we weren't going to get a chance to go out and have an actual date with a 2 year old and newborn at home so we opted for take-out and a Redbox movie this year. Sweet and simple, just the way I like it! Joe surprised me and came home early from classes. He walked in the door with flowers and chocolate in hand (he even bought himself a little treat for me to give him, since he knew I hadn't had a chance to go get him anything :) I think he's a keeper!

Thank you sweetheart for four amazing years! Thank you for everything...for making me a wife and a mother and for being the best husband,Zhen Nguyen toto u beet ĺkmn 0099888877"hh.      X009554e112wssdxxxddfcccffffff55555444r33333eeee=oe2kxxxxxfffddzzzzzsssYESS////////:::::::;,,? €€€€€______%%%%%% ¥55===£¥####₩₩₩(¥£*£&;__:_::&_::_:_:& father, and companion I could ever ask for! Here's to many more crazy, but wonderful years.

Breastfeeding and Recovery

We found out that Peyton is lactose intolerant just like Claire around 5 days old. I was so thrilled this time that Peyton was actually able to latch without a nipple shield. She was a great nurser and I was loving the bonding time. I went completely off dairy the day I had her in anticipation of her being lactose intolerant. While I was still producing colostrum she seemed to handle breastfeeding just fine. As soon as my milk came in though she started having diarrhea 10-15 minutes right after every feeding. I kept at it for a few days to see if anything would change and when it didn't, we decided to try her on Similac Sensitive formula for a day while I kept pumping, just in case. It was just like Claire. Instantly, her tummy settled down, she had no more diarrhea, and she was so content. 

I kept pumping until her first doctor's appointment, not wanting to give up on breastfeeding quite yet. We discussed our options with him and told him all of her symptoms. He agreed with us, that the formula was the way to go, informing us that with her being so little and having so much diarrhea it would not be wise to continue breastfeeding. He further explained that he thinks the reason my babies can't handle my breast milk is because I have the lactose enzyme already in my milk. My milk comes out super thick and creamy and since we know for a fact that Claire is lactose intolerant still and we know that I was not ingesting any dairy products, that can be the only explanation. I'll admit I cried for a few days about having to give it up. It was much harder to give up breastfeeding this time than it was with Claire. With Claire we had a hard time latching, hard time getting my milk to come in, and we had a month with a screaming baby and no way to soothe her. It was easy and relieving to give it up. But this time my milk came in so fast and I had a lot. On day one I was able to pump 2-3 ounces on each side every 2 hours. Peyton was latching and everything was going so much smoother, giving me a totally different outlook on breastfeeding all together. 

It didn't help that people tend to be a little judgmental when they see you feeding a newborn formula. I got a lot of dirty looks when I mixed one up for Peyton in the waiting room at my doctor's appointment. I remembered getting those looks when I would feed Claire and so for the most part I just brushed it off. They didn't know the circumstances, let them judge if they want. It also didn't help that people would make comments like, "How did you get so lucky to be off the hook again?" I know that they probably didn't mean for it to be hurtful but it's comments like this that cut through me like a knife. I didn't feel like I was getting off the hook. I wasn't happy about having to give it up. I was in a lot of pain emotionally and physically. My breasts were literally rock hard, red, and they throbbed 24/7. I felt guilty that my milk instead of being good for my babies, was the one thing that hurt them the most. I wanted so badly to be able to provide for Peyton this time. 

I posted a status on Facebook about how Peyton was lactose intolerant and how bad I was hurting. I got so many judgmental private messages that day from mom's who have children with lactose intolerance. So many of them, instead of offering support, judged me for giving up on breastfeeding. For them, they were able to breastfeed as long as they ate dairy free. For them and their babies, it worked. As I read each message, hot tears ran down my face. I felt ashamed and hurt that it didn't work for me. A little bit of anger was mixed in there as well. I was frustrated that they thought I would just give up without trying every solution. I didn't feel like I owed them an explanation but I returned each message explaining our experience with Claire and the pediatricians diagnoses for Peyton. Some never messaged me back, others apologized. But bottom line was that I was doing what was best for my baby and if they couldn't see that then that was their problem.

Others keep asking if I will always try breastfeeding first. The answer is YES! I will always give it a try because there is always a chance that one of my babies will not be lactose intolerant. And if all of them end up with the same diagnoses, then they will at least had the chance to get the nutrients from my colostrum. To me, that is the most important thing. My pediatrician also explained, that it is always beneficial to breastfeed your baby even if it's just for a day. It's good for them to breastfeed just once rather than not at all.

She's almost one month old now and is still doing great on the formula! She eats all of the time! We took her in for her two week appointment and she weighed in at 9 lbs 4 oz! She's a little chunkster. She out grew her newborn clothes shortly after turning 2 weeks old and is steadily filling out her 0-3 month clothing. I kiss on her little chubby body all the time. Especially those cheeks! They're too chubby to resist!

Claire LOVES  to help me feed Peyton. She's a pretty great big sister!

Definition of milk drunk right here! Love how happy and content she looks after a feeding.

I mentioned in my last post that I was given some news in my postpartum appointment. I kind of saw it coming, especially after delivering Peyton. It was something that weighed on me after both my delivery's and we finally received some kind of answers. I guess my midwife had the same feelings that I did because at the end of my appointment she said she would like to discuss what she thought was happening with my placenta's. With Claire my placenta didn't want to come out on it's own. I was able to deliver part of it on my own and my midwife retrieved the other torn pieces with her hand. There was literally nothing left of my placenta that time. It was completely shredded. No one seemed concerned about it though, until I mentioned it during my delivery with Peyton. It was at that point in time that we had waited over an hour for my placenta to deliver its self. My midwife during this delivery looked really concerned when she received that bit of information but thankfully she was able to get it out, and it was all in one piece. 

During my appointment she explained that this would probably be a common theme in any other deliveries that I have, should we choose to get pregnant again. She explained that usually in this type of situation the delivery of the placenta will get worse and worse with each pregnancy. My placentas for some reason keep adhering too tightly to my uterus. She said it could be the shape of my uterus that is the problem or it could be that my placentas for whatever reason create their own sticky spots. The concern with this is that I could bleed out, and she mentioned at that time that I did lose more blood than is normal. She said it is likely with my next pregnancy, I will have to have a d&c procedure if my placenta sticks again. There is a chance that I could have a totally normal placenta delivery. There is a chance that it will never happen again. But the odds are that it will happen again. Worst case scenario, I could end up with an emergency hysterectomy. She mentioned that she did not wish to scare us out of having more children. She simply wanted us to be aware of the situation and added that having more children is possible and encouraged.

I was a little upset after receiving that news. They have no way of testing each pregnancy to see if there are sticky spots. We will never know if that pregnancy would be our last. If we continue with our plan of 2 years between each child and the next pregnancy ends up being my "worst case scenario"then I could be 26 and have a full on hysterectomy. The thought of going through menopause in my 20's and never being able to have another child totally freaked me out. Thank goodness for that husband of mine though. He has reassured me that if it is our last, it's ok. And if it's not our last, then we will continue having as many children as we can or want. He reminded me that this news, while somewhat scary, is not the end. Peyton will not be the youngest, just like we always planned.

Now, I am almost one month postpartum. I've been feeling pretty good during this recovery. I've had no depression which has been a major blessing. I've had only minor discomfort from my stitches but those are mostly healed up now. I'm still leaking breast milk and still can't wear my pre-pregnancy bras because of this but I'm sure in another month or so I'll be back to normal. I have lost a total of 28 pounds since having Peyton and I fit back into all of my pre-pregnancy clothes. I'm actually down 18 pounds from my starting weight and hope that I can keep it off. Now I'm just waiting for the go ahead to start working out everyday. They tested my iron levels about a week ago (because of all the blood I lost during delivery) and it was extremely low (Normal is 12, I tested at a 5). I've been having really awful headaches since the delivery and they think that is why. Other than that though, everything has been good. I'm just enjoying snuggling my sweet girls and getting into a new routine. :)

A Family of Four

Ever since Peyton has joined our little family, I've been feeling a sense of contentment and peace. She has filled a hole in our family that we didn't even realize we had. Back in September, when we were determining whether or not to have another baby, I was very apprehensive about being home all day, every day with two kids all by myself. I worried about being able to take care of both their needs and my own. I worried that I wouldn't be able to handle the stress and sleep deprivation that comes along with a new baby. But I can definitely say that with her arrival, all those doubts and fears were swept away. She has given me a new sense of purpose, a higher level of patience, and a heart that is just over flowing with love and adoration for my husband and two beautiful girls. It's not to say that I don't have my hard days or that I'm not sleep deprived 99% of the time, because trust me, this whole mommy-of-two thing isn't as easy as some women make it look. 

 Claire has been in love with her baby sister since the moment she saw her. She was well taken care of by my sister Kayleen while I was in the hospital. She stayed the night at our apartment with her two children. Apparently, the cousins had a blast during their first cousin sleepover. I was so glad that Claire was having a good time and was in a good mood to meet her new little sister.

I shed a few tears when my Claire Bear walked into the room. I had missed her so much in the few hours we had been apart. She's always been my little buddy, we do everything together. I felt so complete holding my two babies, for the first time, on my lap. It felt so right, so perfect. My cup was overflowing! I had never felt so blessed and so loved in all my life. In that moment I knew that to be a wife and a mother was my calling. My mind flashed back to my visit to the temple an entire year before, when I had asked my Father in Heaven if it was time to add another child to our home. The answer had been clear then but was confirmed yet again, that Peyton was meant to be in our family at this exact time. How sweet it was to enjoy the blessings we received for listening to that prompting!

I will cherish this picture forever! To me, it radiates that love, peace, and happiness I was feeling inside.

Sisters! I hope that as they grow up, they remain the best of friends.

Our first picture as a family of FOUR! 

I wasn't in the hospital for very long (and for that I am SO grateful!). I had Peyton on a Thursday and we left on Friday at 10 AM. I told all my nurses that I wanted to leave as soon as possible and they made it happen. I was so relieved to be home with all of us together.

We had a small adjustment period but overall the transition from one child to two went much smoother than anticipated. Joe took work and school off through the weekend but had to return to school on Monday. I was a bit nervous about being left with the two girls alone because Joe is usually gone Monday-Friday from 7 AM- 11 PM, which means I am literally on my own. (We miss him a lot and really like it when Daddy is home though!) Claire has been having a hard time (even before the baby was born) with nap time and bed time and I really needed her to take a nap during the day so that I could rest as well (we're still working on it). For the most part Claire handled everything with the new baby pretty well. She was generally pretty understanding if I had to do something for the baby before I could help her. She liked to help me feed her, dress her, and give her a bath. She did throw a few tantrums during those early weeks and there was one incident where she was so frustrated with me that she threw a toy at Peyton's head. Thankfully her aim was way off and that toy has yet to be returned to her.

I've had quite a few people ask if I thought mothering two children was hard. But truthfully, I don't feel that it is hard. For a while I had a hard time explaining this because I couldn't find the right words. It wasn't until I was talking with a woman in our ward that I found the right word for it. She commented that mothering more than one child was busy. And seriously, I couldn't have said it better. It's not hard, it's busy! So stinkin' true!

I think that things were made a lot easier for me through a lot of tender mercies. Peyton is a very content baby. As long as she's fed and dry, she's happy. She is an excellent sleeper! She sleeps in her bassinet at night and will eat every 2-3 hours. It's still kind of hard waking up that much but I'm just grateful that I get some kind of sleep. We've had a lot of dinners brought to us and my mother in law came to help me for a few days. With Claire I suffered with really bad postpartum depression. This time around, I have felt so great! My recovery has been so easy. I have so much energy and it feels great to finally be ending the throwing up and nausea. I had a bit of a rough patch with breastfeeding and with some information I received during my postpartum appointment (more on that later) but despite that minor bump in the road, I have finally found my new normal.

It's been fun watching Claire interact with her little sister. She tries to say her name and calls her "sister". She kisses her ALL. THE. TIME. Haha it's sweet but we are constantly reminding her to be soft. She also likes to hold her hand. If she's been asleep too long (according to Claire) she will yell in Peyton's face, "Wake up baby! Wake up!" Poor Peyton. Now that Peyton is 3 weeks old, she is awake a little more during the day and I often catch her watching her older sister as she plays. I'm looking forward to them interacting more as they get older, but at the same time I'm trying so hard to hold on to them as they are now. Time just seems to be flying by and I'm afraid that if I don't enjoy every stage, I'm going to miss it all.

Overall we are just in love with our new little bundle of joy! I love that we are a growing family. I love that she just fits right in. For us right now, life is pretty great.

A Birth Story: Peyton Elizabeth

Our second little angel has finally arrived!

She's perfect.

She's beautiful.

And we are so in love with her.

Peyton Elizabeth Reed

Born September 19, 2013 at 1:11 AM

8 lbs 8 oz. and 20 1/2 inches long

In the days leading up to Peyton's birth I was feeling extremely emotional and anxious. My anxiety stemmed mostly from the ginormous (and somewhat insane) cleaning/to-do list I made. I felt that everything on that list HAD to be done before the baby arrived and because school had started for Joe and my sisters were helping my mom still, I had to tackle it on my own. And a small part of me was extremely nervous about the labor and delivery. It's no secret that I have always wanted a natural birth but in those final weeks leading up to delivery I found myself thinking about the epidural more and more. I discussed my anxiety with my midwife and she was so great at quieting my fears. I explained that I was still wanting the natural birth but felt afraid for some reason. And she totally hit the nail on the head when she explained I probably felt that way because of my 36 hour labor with Claire. I was afraid to go through that much pain for that long again. She reassured me that no matter my choice, natural or epidural, she would stand behind my decision. From that point on I decided to go into this labor with no expectations.

As we got closer and closer to my due date, Joe became more and more antsy. Everyday he would come home from school and ask if we were having a baby that day. He kept his phone on through all of his classes and work, in anticipation of me calling with any labor news. Well, luckily my contractions started at 4 AM on the 18th, just one day before my due date. I remember making a comment on a friends Facebook status the night before. She was complaining of having contractions all night and wanted them to go away. I jokingly commented, "Why don't you send some of those over to me?" So when I woke up at 4 AM in a lot of pain, I quietly cursed myself for saying that, and whispered, "Be careful what you wish for".

Since the first contraction woke me up all the way, I decided to go ahead and just see how far apart the second one would be, or if there would even be a second one. Sure enough, 5 minutes later the pain started up again and lasted close to a minute long. At first I kind of panicked. My to-do list was no where near done. But as another contraction started to slowly build I realized I just needed to let it go. 

It was definitely a manageable pain so I coached myself through an hours worth of contractions. They varied from 5-7 minutes and usually lasted a minute long. At 5 AM I decided to let Joe in on my little secret. I shook his shoulder a little bit, whispered his name a few times, and told him I didn't think he would be going into work or school that day. He looked at me all half asleep and confused and just asked, "Why?" I laughed and said, "Why do you think?" He shot out of our bed so fast and with so much enthusiasm I was afraid he was going to hurt himself! He started pacing around the room asking me what I needed, whether he should call the doctor office, or time the contractions. Eventually I got him to settle down long enough to listen to me. I knew it would be a while longer before we needed to call the doctors office but decided to let him go ahead and e-mail his teachers and notify work. About an hour later, I climbed into the shower to get some relief and was slightly discouraged when I noticed the more I moved around, the less contractions I had. But just as soon as they would slow down while moving around, I noticed they picked back up in intensity as soon as I sat down or laid down. 

Around 8:30 I finally consented to Joe calling the doctor's office. They wanted me to come in and get checked as soon as possible, so I called my sister Kayleen to come watch Claire. Ten minutes later she arrived, grinning from ear to ear, hair slightly rumpled, and bursting with excitement. I laughed at her as she said she got here as fast as she could and was proud to say it was definitely record timing. It really wasn't that big of an emergency but I appreciated her enthusiasm. :)

At the doctors office, no midwives were available, so I saw the nurse practitioner. She checked me and announced I was dilated to a one but the baby was still sitting really high. She told me my contractions were "too mild" and it was probably just braxton hicks but the only way to know for sure was to go walking. It was an extremely windy and cold day so we opted to walk around Wal-mart. During our walk my contractions completely stopped. I was frustrated because I'd been in labor before, I knew what it felt like. I was so certain that it was real labor but the lack of contractions was telling us otherwise, so we decided to go home. As soon as I sat down in the car, my contractions came back full force, every five minutes. It was slightly baffling but we decided that maybe my body would handle the labor better if I remained relaxed. For the rest of the morning and early afternoon, I labored on the couch or in bed as I tried to nap. Around 4 PM I decided to go get checked at the doctors office before they closed. I was relieved to see that it was a midwife this time.

I told her the contractions were slow and steady all day. They never changed from being 5 minutes apart and a minute long. I was doubtful that I had made any progress, so I was surprised to hear that I was at a 4 1/2! She said to meet her at the hospital in an hour so we went back home, got everything situated, double checked our bags, and told Claire we would be bringing home a sister for her!

Hand in hand, full of excitement (and pain, for me at least!), Joe and I walked into the hospital and got all checked in at about 5:30 PM. They sent me straight to an L&D room without checking me since my midwife called ahead and let them know I was coming. I changed into the hospital gown, got my IV, and got all hooked up to the monitors. My L&D nurse, Holly, was amazing! She was about my moms age and was so genuine and friendly. She brought a kind of calm into the room, something that I desperately needed. They let me rest in my bed since my contractions were remaining steady. At about 6:30 my midwife broke my water. There was a lot of merconium in my water so just as a precaution they kept an extra close eye on the baby's heart rate. She was moving so much though, that the monitor had to be moved every few seconds, so they put a little lead on her head to have a consistent reading.

About an hour after my water was broken, my contractions started getting much harder. They were still five minutes apart but were pretty intense. Joe was a great coach and helped me through each one. I remember during a particularly painful contraction the thought, get an epidural, entered my mind. As the contraction started to wear off however, I pushed the thought aside, reassuring myself that I could do this, I could do it naturally.  With each contraction, the thought entered my mind over and over, each time becoming more and more forceful. When my contraction ended I looked up at Joe and told him I wanted the epidural. He asked if I was sure because I was doing so great with how I handled each contraction. When I replied yes, he called the nurse and a half hour later I was laying in my bed completely pain free and at peace with my decision.

Around 9:30 PM my mom arrived. I nearly cried when I saw her! I so badly wanted her to be there for the birth but with all her recent health complications I wasn't sure she would be able to handle it. We sat and chatted while Joe squeezed in a nap, and the monitors continued beeping with the babies heart rate and my contractions. My contractions never went past 5 minutes apart but I continued to dilate and progress. At about 10, one hour after getting the epidural I had a delayed reaction to the epidural. I suddenly felt so nauseous and just about puked all over myself, when my nurse came running in with a bucket for me and a syringe of blood pressure medicine. As I threw up she quickly gave me the medicine, all the while explaining that my blood pressure had dropped below 50. She gave me a shot of zofran in my IV to help with the nausea and wouldn't leave my side until my blood pressure returned to normal. Around 11:30 I was finally at an 8 and it was at this point that my midwife explained she was a little concerned about the babies heart rate and wanted to speed things up with a little pitocin. A little over an hour later, I was fully dilated and ready to push. My midwife, once again expressed a concern for the baby. She looked me straight in the eyes and told me to get her out as fast as I could. She wanted me to put all my energy into each push and added that she was so glad I opted for the epidural. At the time I thought her last comment was sort of strange but shrugged it off and began pushing. 

I honestly couldn't feel anything below my waist, so as I pushed I hoped I was doing what needed to be done. I had a lot of people cheering for me as I pushed because there were extra NICU nurses that were there on stand by for Peyton. I gave it my all each and every time but with each push we watched Peyton's heart rate drop lower and lower. By that point I was terrified of losing my baby, and I could tell I wasn't the only one nervous for her. My midwife looked at me and said, "Just three more big pushes! You can do this! You have to." I gave my everything, thankful for the epidural for the rest and strength it gave me, and I was finally rewarded on the third push. My midwife asked me to give a half push on the last one because the cord was wrapped around her little neck. 

After 21 hours of labor and 20 minutes of pushing, she was finally born at 1:11 AM, right on her due date! They placed her on my chest with her back facing me. The room was eerily quiet as we waited for her to make a sound, and when there was none, they wisked her over to the incubator and started working on her. It felt like an eternity to me, but within a few minutes I heard a tiny little newborn cry. Relieved, I finally laid back on my pillows with tears streaming down my face, thankful that she was ok. My midwife talked to me as she sewed me up, expressing again how glad she was that I got the epidural. She said with as hard as I had to push, there was no way I would have gotten her out that fast going natural.

When they took Peyton away my nurse asked me how much I thought Peyton weighed. I was betting on 8 pounds because she honestly did not feel that much bigger than Claire did to me. She looked at me like I was crazy and said she was definitely over 9 lbs because just looking at Peyton she looked so chunky. She had rolls up and down her arms and legs. She already had a double chin, and who could miss her awesome chubby cheeks?! Well, I was right! She weighed in at 8 lbs 8 oz.

Love those chubby cheeks and that double chin! Seriously, this kid never misses a meal! She is always hungry!

Not even an hour old and already crossing her feet just like her big sister!

They worked on Peyton for over an hour. I was a bit upset that I didn't even get to see her face so Joe snapped a quick photo of her and brought it over to me. Finally, they finished with her and brought her to me for some skin-to-skin contact. 

I had been so pre-occupied with what was happening to Peyton that I didn't notice my midwife was still standing at the end of my bed with a concerned look on her face. My placenta wasn't wanting to come out on it's own. She waited a few more minutes and then said AGAIN how glad she was that I got the epidural. Before I could ask why, I watched her go elbow deep INSIDE ME to try and manually remove the placenta. In that moment I was very glad I got the epidural. Thankfully, my placenta came out in one piece. I bled a lot though because of it. She ordered antibiotics for me since there was an increased chance of infection with what she had to do but other than that said I should be fine.

Once I was all cleaned up, I was able to nurse Peyton for the first time. She was great at latching on and was very hungry! She nursed on both sides. I loved watching her already super chubby cheeks fill out even more with each little gulp. My nurse brought me a ham and cheese sandwich and some orange juice to help with how much blood I lost. I swear I have never eaten a sandwich that tasted that good! It probably wasn't that good in reality but to me it was divine. 

After both of us ate, Holly gave Peyton her first bath. I loved how loving she was with my baby. She talked to her and held her close, all the while explaining she has two kids that are married and refuse to have kids yet, so she takes advantage of all the babies she helps delivers. :)

My mom was thrilled to hold her fifth grand baby. She was exhausted but refused to leave until she got to hold her. I was so glad she was able to be there.

Peyton has been such a wonderful addition to our family! She is so even tempered, content (as long as she's fed!), and brings such a sweet spirit into our home! We just love her to pieces!

39 Weeks

I don't know why, but all the sudden I feel super nostalgic and emotional tonight. It kind of just hit me all at once that we aren't going to be a family of 3 anymore but a family of 4. Claire won't be my one and only baby anymore and for some reason that makes me incredibly sad.  For two years she's been my little buddy. We do everything together. 

Another chapter in our lives is ending and for some reason, I all the sudden don't want it to end.

But it's going to end, and soon. Don't get me wrong, I'm still super excited about this sweet little girl that should be gracing us with her presence any day now. But tonight I made sure to spend one on one time with Claire. I made sure that I hugged her extra tight, gave her extra kisses, read her extra stories at bedtime. I even rocked her to sleep and held her in my arms just like I used to when she was a baby. I can't imagine loving another baby as much as I love my Claire Bear, yet I already do love Peyton more than words can express. It's all very complicated.

37 weeks and 3 days pregnant

Tomorrow is Joe's 26th birthday. This whole pregnancy I've been keeping my fingers crossed that Peyton would arrive on that day. I thought it would be so cool if she shared a birthday with her dad (and I think it would be an awesome birthday gift for him) plus I would be 39 weeks and 1 day pregnant so it wasn't that much sooner than my actual due date. Well, at my last appointment my midwife quickly burst that bubble. I asked her to strip my membranes in order to get some labor going. And it was just my luck that baby girl was sitting way too high still so there was nothing my midwife could do. I wasn't even effaced or dilated. That's when she tells me, Sorry but I don't think you'll be going early at all, unless your water breaks, which is very unlikely. That being said, I geared myself up to get through the rest of this pregnancy and to my due date. I planned out the last two weeks of my pregnancy with things from my to-do list and made plans for the last weekend before school for Joe to help me get it done. I prepared myself to last until my due date or later. 

Now, I jump at every contraction that comes my way. I nearly went into panic mode around 8 this evening when I kept getting them every 20 minutes or so. I burst into tears and sternly told my stomach that she was NOT under any circumstances to come this weekend. I told her I need this weekend to prepare, to spend with her sister and dad, and to just get a grip on everything. 

They turned out to be nothing but I was literally gripped with the fear that I was not ready. Tonight I don't feel ready to be a mother of two. My house is still not as clean as I would like it to be (This whole nesting thing is a curse I tell you!). My hospital bag is not packed. I don't even have her coming home outfit picked out. Shoot, I just barely ordered the last of the baby things that we need today! But besides the fact that my to-do list is still a mile long, I just don't feel ready for this change. Maybe it's the fact that on Monday a new semester of school starts for Joe. Maybe it's the fact that I still worry about my mom who is recovering from her third surgery from a week and a half ago. Maybe I'm just anxious about everything. But whatever it is, I wish that it would just go away. I was actually enjoying my pregnancy. I was excited for our new arrival. I was enjoying the "getting ready for baby" part of pregnancy. I want that feeling back. 

34 weeks and counting

I can't believe how fast this pregnancy has gone!

(photo taken at 32 Weeks and 2 days)

Today I am 34 weeks and 2 days pregnant with baby Peyton. This pregnancy has been a whirlwind. We got pregnant fast, I got sick fast, and now all the sudden I'm less than 6 weeks from my due date. With all the hoopla happening with my mom AND having a toddler this time around, I haven't been able to just sit and count down the days like I did with Claire. I surprised myself on Sunday when someone asked how far along I was and I literally couldn't remember. Instead, I finally just stammered out that I'm due September 19th. I usually have to look at my What to Expect App on my phone to know how far along I am (with Claire I could tell you down to the day at a moments notice).

I thought it would be fun to answer some of the most frequently asked questions.

How far along? 

34 weeks 2 days

Are you still sick?

Yup still sick! I am still taking zofran everyday. Without it I end up spending my day by the toilet, puking my guts up. I have a love/hate relationship with the drug though. It's main side affect is headaches and migraines, which unfortunately I fall victim to, but I would rather have a headache than feel car sick all day. 

Any stretch marks? 

Yes, I have stretch marks but so far they are just the same ones I had with Claire. Stretch marks don't really bother me though. I'm not planning on wearing a bikini any time soon so really the only people who see them are my husband and midwife. I figure the midwife sees them all the time and my husband still thinks I'm beautiful with or without them, so they don't really bother me. :)

Miss anything?

I miss having normal sized feet and ankles. The swelling this pregnancy is just ridiculous. I never had a problem when pregnant with Claire. My ankles swelled really bad after I had her but not during the pregnancy. It's been really frustrating to find appropriate foot wear. Somedays it gets so bad that even flip flops don't fit and it HURTS, like really hurts to walk on them sometimes. I was worried about it and asked my midwife. She explained that the summer heat, added stress and pressure I'm under lately, and not enough rest would be the culprits. She recommended tons of water, swimming (although she was quick to add that swimming does NOT mean laying out at the pool trying to get my tan on. haha), a few hours a day with my feet elevated (ha good luck with that one), and watermelon. No complaints here! The next day I begged Joe to take Claire and I to Rexburg Rapids and happily ate a large helping of watermelon with my feet up. 

Gestational Diabetes?

I got tested for gestational diabetes around 28 weeks. With Claire I did have GD. I ended up taking the test three times when I was pregnant with her. The first time I failed and had to go in for the 3 hour fasting test. They messed up my blood work on the second test, so I sat through another 3 hour fasting test only to find out that I was one point over the line. Having GD totally sucked, so I was really crossing my fingers that it wouldn't be a problem this pregnancy. With everything going on with my mom I just didn't think I could handle one more thing. I told my midwife I did not want to take the test more than once this time so I opted to forgo the one hour test and just skip ahead to the 3 hour one. I came in fasting, drank my drink (which I don't think is really all that bad. The girl next to me, who was also doing a 3 hour test, was pinching her nose and making gagging noises. Haha she was a little over dramatic about the whole thing), and turned on Netflix on my phone. One hour into it and I all the sudden I felt like I was going to throw up. I tried to think about something else but for some reason my body was not going to let me keep it down. I literally ran to the bathroom and almost didn't make it to the toilet before all of that stupid orange drink came up. The nurse was just coming to get me to prick my finger so I told her I threw it all up. She said she had never heard of anyone throwing up the glucose drink and had no idea what to do. The only midwife available was at the hospital for an emergency and the doctors were completely booked. Long story short, they took my blood for that one hour and for the second hour anyway. The results came back saying that I was hypoglycemic at that point, meaning my blood sugar was too low. They sent me home with strict instructions to eat something right away and to make sure that I laid down because my body would be extremely tired (That was an understatement. I was falling asleep at the steering wheel. I've NEVER done that before.) Later on my midwife called to talk about the results. In her opinion I didn't have GD this time around but they wanted to be cautious since I had it with Claire. They just wanted me to take my blood sugar 1-2 times a day to see how my body was reacting. So far, I've been fine. 

Movement?

I found out at my last appointment that baby girl is head down and ready to go! I knew she had turned just because of the way her movements had changed from my lower abdomen to just below my ribs, but it was nice to know for sure. She's not as much of a mover as Claire was and she has only had the hiccups once or twice. Claire had them All. The. Time. I still love all of her little movements. Sometimes they get a little painful but I love knowing that she's ok in there. I especially love how her flutters changed to jabs and kicks and her kicks have turned into rolling movements. It's just so cool to feel and now see how much they change and grow in such a short amount of time.

How are you coping with your mom's surgeries and with your pregnancy at the same time?

Honestly I don't know how I'm not breaking apart at the seams right now. It's been tough. First getting the news that she had cancer. Then the news that surgery had to be done right away. The actual surgery  and recovery have been more taxing and longer than any of us in the family thought it would be. We had no idea that she would need help going to the bathroom or showering. We had no idea that two weeks into recovery she would need an emergency surgery to remove a blood clot that was larger than her surgeons fist. We had no idea that a blood vessel wouldn't close on it's own and be pouring blood into her chest for weeks. Looking back, I really wish that someone had warned us. It's been hard, physically and mentally. I am so unimaginably tired all the time. Most days I'm over at her house three times a day and I spend a lot of nights sleeping over. It's hard balancing my families needs, my mom's needs, and my needs but somehow it's all worked out. I haven't fallen apart yet but I have a feeling that I'm reaching my breaking point. My midwife has pleaded with me to take it a little easier. It's not that I'm a high risk pregnancy but she can see the toll it takes on my body and warned me not to wear myself out before labor. But I can't just leave my mom to fend for herself, I would feel so guilty. Hopefully she recovers soon. The next big thing is her hysterectomy and that needs to happen as soon as she is feeling up to it. So basically, we will just be starting the entire cycle again. I worry that I won't be able to help her that time around because my due date is getting close. I worry that my mom won't be able to be there for the birth of her 5th grand baby, but I keep telling myself that it will all be ok. It HAS to be ok. Power of positive thinking, right?

Does Joe really start school the same week as your due date?

Haha yup! We have awesome timing don't we?! We did not plan on this happening. We thought it would take 9 months to get pregnant like it did with Claire. Boy were we wrong! So yes, my husband will be starting his second to last semester of school on the 16th of September. I'm due on the 19th. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that she comes early though. I don't mind going over my due date (I was a week late with Claire) but I do think it would be pretty cool if she was born on her daddy's birthday which is the 13th. :)

Are you planning on being induced?

Honestly, we talked about it. Once we found out the due date and realized school started the same week Joe asked me if I wanted to consider being induced this time. I could see that he was a little nervous about the timing and suggested we pray about it. I wasn't in love with the idea of having to use pitocin and an epidural again but if it felt right I would do it to give him peace of mind. We prayed about it as a couple several times and each time we both felt uncomfortable with the idea of inducing just for convenience. We agreed that if medically I needed to be induced that we would take that route but for now we are planning on a natural birth. That was the kind of birth I wanted with Claire and it didn't exactly go my way. I'm hoping that this time my labor will be much shorter and will progress on it's own. But this time I am also more open to the idea that if I need medical intervention, it's ok to use it. And yes, I do have a midwife, but don't worry my labor and delivery will be at the hospital! (It's funny how some people get really concerned when you say you are seeing a midwife.) And yes, I do feel a little overwhelmed when I think that my mom could be going into surgery the same time I have the baby and that Joe could be in school, but that feeling gets pushed away when I remember that I got my answer months ago. Would it be nice to know the day the baby will be here? Definitely! But I wouldn't feel right about it. I honestly feel that everything will work out the way it needs to and trust that the Lord has a plan.

Is Claire ready/prepared to be a big sister? Are you ready to have two kids?

I think Claire is about as ready as any 2 year old can be. I have been asked this question multiple times (especially at church). I mean how do you really prepare a 2 year old??? I think she kind of gets the idea. She will point to my belly or kiss it and say hi to the baby. But when I try to think about it from her perspective, it seems kind of morbid to think that mommy has a baby in her tummy. She must be wondering how the heck it got in there. She does get excited though when I buy a new baby outfit or show her her old baby stuff. We talk about the baby all the time and how she's going to be such a great helper. I know it will be an adjustment and there might be a few bumps along the way, but for the most part I'm confident that Claire will transition fairly well. She ADORES babies! And it shows, especially when she plays with her dolls. She's so sweet and caring with them. As for me, I feel ready, but again I'm not sure how ready you can really be. It will be a big adjustment. But I think it makes it easier the second time around because I know what it was like when we had Claire. I'm more mentally prepared this time. I'm actually more excited about this baby than I was with Claire. I'm not so anxious about the labor and delivery and being a new mom this time. This time I know it will be hard but I also know how sweet and wonderful being a mom can be. I'm so excited to watch my two girls interact with each other. I'm so excited to hold her for the first time, to give her baths, to breathe in that sweet {intoxicating} newborn smell. I can't wait for the late night feedings, when it's just the two of us, cuddled up in the rocking chair and the house is quiet and still. Those are the moments I miss the most. I LOVE the newborn stage. I love my Claire Bear and baby Peyton. I think it helps that Joe is thrilled about having another girl. He was thrilled when I finally gave in to the idea of having a second child. He's confident that we can handle two kids, so I guess I am too!

I am still in the process of changing things in the girls' room and fixing up Peyton's corner in our bedroom. But I plan on posting all about those preparations as soon as they are done. We didn't really change much in their bedroom except for a few little things here and there. I changed just enough to make it feel like it's not just Claire's room but Peyton's as well. I was able to go shopping a little for the baby last week and it was wonderful. With my mom needing so much help, I haven't had a lot of time to prepare for the baby or have a moment to just be excited. Shopping is my therapy and it definitely worked wonders for me this time.